A Paradigm Shift in Sandwich Art

Warning: this post may change your life.

I would like you to do something for me. Close your eyes (but keep reading) and imagine the perfect bite of a sandwich. Just one bite. What does it taste like? How does it feel in your mouth? The texture? The temperature of the mayonnaise? Is the lettuce crispy?

Ok, you've done that. Now think about the elements that make up your perfect bite.

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Have you got some ideas?

When I do this exercise, I come up with the following attributes that I believe make up "the perfect bite."

1. Perfect proportion of ingredients
2. Perfect size of bite
3. Perfect temparature of ingredients - i.e. the "hot side hot, cool side cool" premise.
4. A crispy, somewhat flaky exterior of the bread.
5. "Amazing" taste.
6. Familiar yet mystifying texture - like No. 5 this comes from quality inputs.

Side attributes that are not necessarily related to the sandwich.

1. Availability of a cold beverage if necessary.
2. Comfort of seat and clothes being worn.
3. Chewing not loud enough to drown out dialogue on O.C.

Now, I believe that a sandwich, unlike a man, is more than the sum of ingredients. If the best possible inputs are a given - then you are in for a hell of a sandwich. But as the Yankees, the best ingredients don't always combine for a maximum taste experience. The ingredients must be blended together in a way that maximizes their unique abilities.

This is where I come in.

(All of you who surf the internet standing, you may want to sit down.)

I have discovered a new method of making and eating sandwiches that may very well change the face of the world in a way democracy in the Middle East could only dream of.

My friends, every once in a while, we have to re-evaluate our whole shit. This...this is one of those times. My question to you: do you have to make the entire sandwich at once?

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(sound of gong)

Yes.

I think you are starting to follow me. But I will go into detail.

Have you ever made a sandwich that was just amazing, and you wanted it to go on forever? The antithesis is a sandwich that keeps going after you are full, but you feel an obligation to finish her off.

Those are just two problems that are utterly ELIMINATED with my new system.

I hereby introduce the "make-as-you-go" (MAY-GO) sandwich system (U.S. Patent Pending). Here's the details.

1. First, lay out your lunchmeat, sauces, cheese, bread, and vegetables out in front of you, just as though you are making a regular sandwich.
2. However, instead of making an entire sandwich, just make yourself the perfect bite. You know, more than anyone, exactly how much of which ingredient you want. So make it. You have the power! (I personally recommend cubing the cheese, but the implementation is up to you.)
3. Eat the resulting bite and begin the trek to Sandwich Valhalla.
4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 until you are satisfied! It's that easy, folks!

I invite all of you to try MAY-GO in the comfort of your own home. Please let me know what you think.

(You're welcome.)